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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Lock Haiku Take 2, June 03, 2012

The same melody
but our mood is different
a new key today

A new key today
as it uplifts our spirits
ah! new melody

Ah! new melody
lyrics don brand new clothes
new parts, unlocked.

for: http://haiku-heights.blogspot.in/ and http://corazon.typepad.com/recuerda_mi_corazon/2012/05/haiku-my-heart-1.html (Haiku my heart)
prompt: lock

18 comments:

  1. Er.. didn't do it for me.. I like the other one better, that made sense.. I admire that you've tried the popular cascaded style of haiku, but it's missing something, that I can't quite place my finger on. :)

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    1. Hey Leo,
      This is about a band trying a song in a new key, so that's what I have attempted. I know cascaded style is a little tough to pull off.. Anyway thanks for the feedback... I will make my haiku tighter.. thanks :)

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  2. i was also in a dilemma what to made on from this the comment box gave me a clearer view :0 great job!

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  3. I like Leo's honesty in his critique. If everybody keeps on saying it's good, great, lovely all the time, when it sucks, we will miss learning something. In a way people are being kind in bringing out the positive and ignoring the negatives but on the other hand we can't improve. So, hang in there.

    Tarun, I notice the last part where you typed in "For: http ..." the way to do it is to use the link button while you are editing your post before publishing. It's located near the picture and says "Link." All you have to do is type out the words "Haiku Heights" then highlight the words and click on the "Link" button and paste the url in the window that opens up. Same should also be done for Haiku my Heart. Hope this helps.

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    Replies
    1. You are absolutely right. I truly admire Leo's honesty there... now I am determined to take one step forward and improve this art called Haiku...

      Also, thanks for explaining me the link thing... thank you so much for taking the pain.. I truly appreciate your efforts...

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    2. Absolutely right, A Walk in My Heart!

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. I admire your perseverance on this ~ You have lovely thoughts, it just need to be written in haiku form ~ If I may suggest:

    the same melody
    playing the old turntable,
    new keys, fresh as spring

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the guidance here... your recreation is great!

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  6. wonderful style you chose, and excellent content!

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  7. I love the rhyme and flow of this poem. So refreshing!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your kind words...

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  8. Visit THIS LINK for your surpriseeee! ;) Spread the joy!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Pranita.. I am truly honored thank you....

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