The same melody
but our mood is different
a new key today
A new key today
as it uplifts our spirits
ah! new melody
Ah! new melody
lyrics don brand new clothes
new parts, unlocked.
for: http://haiku-heights.blogspot.in/ and http://corazon.typepad.com/recuerda_mi_corazon/2012/05/haiku-my-heart-1.html (Haiku my heart)
prompt: lock
Er.. didn't do it for me.. I like the other one better, that made sense.. I admire that you've tried the popular cascaded style of haiku, but it's missing something, that I can't quite place my finger on. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Leo,
DeleteThis is about a band trying a song in a new key, so that's what I have attempted. I know cascaded style is a little tough to pull off.. Anyway thanks for the feedback... I will make my haiku tighter.. thanks :)
i was also in a dilemma what to made on from this the comment box gave me a clearer view :0 great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you Maharukh
DeleteI like Leo's honesty in his critique. If everybody keeps on saying it's good, great, lovely all the time, when it sucks, we will miss learning something. In a way people are being kind in bringing out the positive and ignoring the negatives but on the other hand we can't improve. So, hang in there.
ReplyDeleteTarun, I notice the last part where you typed in "For: http ..." the way to do it is to use the link button while you are editing your post before publishing. It's located near the picture and says "Link." All you have to do is type out the words "Haiku Heights" then highlight the words and click on the "Link" button and paste the url in the window that opens up. Same should also be done for Haiku my Heart. Hope this helps.
You are absolutely right. I truly admire Leo's honesty there... now I am determined to take one step forward and improve this art called Haiku...
DeleteAlso, thanks for explaining me the link thing... thank you so much for taking the pain.. I truly appreciate your efforts...
Absolutely right, A Walk in My Heart!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI admire your perseverance on this ~ You have lovely thoughts, it just need to be written in haiku form ~ If I may suggest:
ReplyDeletethe same melody
playing the old turntable,
new keys, fresh as spring
Thank you so much for the guidance here... your recreation is great!
Deletewonderful style you chose, and excellent content!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteI like it. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot!
DeleteI love the rhyme and flow of this poem. So refreshing!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words...
DeleteVisit THIS LINK for your surpriseeee! ;) Spread the joy!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Pranita.. I am truly honored thank you....
Delete